My Miscarriage

Last week I found out that I lost my second baby. I was nine weeks pregnant, and I learned that the baby had stopped growing at six weeks.

I was out of town at the time visiting family, getting ready to share the good news, when I had to go to the ER and was given the sad news.

I had to call my husband, who was not traveling with me, and tell him over the phone. A little over a week later, I’m back at home and recovering from a D and C today. I chose to have a D and C because it had been four weeks since the baby had stopped growing inside of me, and I needed closure. I also am a planner so I needed to know what the next step was so I could move on both emotionally and physically.

Aside from being a planner, I’m also a person who opens up about things that are bothering me, and for some reason this is not something people talk about very openly. It’s nothing to be ashamed of as it happens to 1 in 7 women and there is nothing I, or anyone else, did wrong to make this happen. But still it seems to be a taboo subject.

When I started telling people that I had miscarried, more and more of my family and friends opened up about their own experiences. This made me sad for them, as I now understand what they went through, however, it also made me feel better in a way. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone, that if they could get through this and move on to have other beautiful children, so could I.

Oddly enough, in the news last week, Mark Zuckerburg announced that he and his wife are expecting but have also experienced multiple miscarriages. I appreciate him opening up about his and his wife’s experiences and hope that others will feel they can do the same when they’re ready.

I am fortunate because I already have one healthy, happy son. If I never have another baby, I will be okay because of him. He has brought me back to reality after this loss because he has no idea what is going on, and is wrapped up in his toys, or cartoons, or whatever is keeping him occupied in that moment (as he should be). I still need to be here for him and be his mom. No time to grieve, at least not for too long.

I keep explaining it to my close friends as a loss in the family, without ever having met the person. When we lose a family member to death, we are allowed to grieve, even in public, why is this loss any different?

My hope as a mother, as a woman, as someone who has gone through a miscarriage is that we can all be more transparent about these things when they happen. Everyone is entitled to take the time they need to heal after something tragic, but just like we speak about breast feeding (or not to), pregnancy joys and pains, I hope we too can discuss miscarriages and how we feel with the people we love.

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am certainly not the first or the last person to go through this, just one of many. I just wanted to open up about my own experience in hopes that it will give others an outlet (if they need or want one) to discuss and find closure in their own way.

3 thoughts on “My Miscarriage

  1. Cris Hay-Merchant

    Jenn – I am so sorry for your loss and Ry’s loss. I really admire your willingness to share your experience and your perspective on what has been a taboo topic until just recently. I’ve never had children biologically or experienced a miscarriage but my heart goes out to you – and to the friends who’ve never told me when they experienced a loss like this. Thanks for writing this post and making us all more aware and compassionate.

    Reply
  2. Christine

    Dearest Jen and Ryan,
    Thank you for your openness Only if you had a miscarriage due you know! You are blessed to talk about this event. Out of the closet per se . In my day it was taboo. Trust me it is very sad , please allow yourself to be sad as time goes by just when you feel better your due date will approach and it will be very hard. You are loved on so many levels and will grow through this event. You are a compassionate loving women , I am only a call away if you need anything . Allow yourself time to feel the sadness. You are blessed with life’s wonders Harrison and Ryan hit the jackpot falling in love with you!

    Reply
  3. Terri James

    Jenn, I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing so openly. My oldest daughter miscarried her first pregnancy. That was my first grand baby. I bought her a book entitled, “I’ll hold you in heaven” it brought great comfort to us all.

    Reply

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